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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.