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If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.