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You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
Seagull Manager; Someone who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everyone and then leaves.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Procrastination is a dish best served eventually.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them