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My friend is a magician, she can turn anything into an argument.
I’ve been a sucker for boobies since the day I was born.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
I don’t care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.