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Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.