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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
My life is based on a true story
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"