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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
My wife just said we should have another baby. I hope she didn`t mean together.
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.