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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
I say the things better left unsaid.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)