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I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.