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My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
Is it just me or does chocolate taste even better late at night, hence the the last four letters of the word chocoLATE?!
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.