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Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red