Daily Silly Status

According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.

I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.

Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel

I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??

You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"

My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again

I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.

You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of people wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.

Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?

Good for you, people that do things.

If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw

You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.

Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."

How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?

2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!