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Will be drunk until further notice.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life