Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
If the Terminator was female the line would have been, “I might be back, I haven’t decided yet.”
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.