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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Sorry, everyone, it looks like my Facebook account was hacked by tequila last night...
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
I hope to get to the point in my life where Iām not excited about finding change on the ground.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
I walked briskly with scissors today. Iām pretty wild.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...