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feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
I don`t get personal trainers. I`ve never been exercising and thought "man, I wish someone hot was criticizing me right now."
You bring everyone a lot of joy ... when you leave the room.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
My grocery cart right now says ” I’m getting drunk and doing laundry tonight!” And also. “I like fruit.”
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.