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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I don`t lift so maybe I`m wrong about this, but I feel like Popeye might be focusing on his forearms too much.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Shouting "Shotgun" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"