Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I don`t hate you, but if you we`re drowning, I would dive in and handcuff a piano to your neck.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
I never tell god how big my problems ,,, I tell my problems how big my god is
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
The only way I know if I’ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger.
Kinda makes you wonder how many employees used to piss on their hands in the bathroom before management finally took action
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?