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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
Finally got my sh!t together... Now if I can just remember where I put it
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave