Daily Silly Status

I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.

Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.

You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out

Alcohol free beer is like ... orgasm free sex

Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!

I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.

This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel

*puts selfie on top of christmas tree because I am the star*

I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.

You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.

My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.

You know someone has a drinking problem when they go to the bar at 5pm, you know you have a drinking problem when you`re already there.

I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.

Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.