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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of Alcohol
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Alcohol may not be able to give you a loving hug when you need it but the Liquor Mart employee`s you`re buying it off of sure can.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.