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SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
When choosing a ring tone, always ask yourself, "How embarrassed will I be when this rings in public?"
Keep calm and drink on.
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
I was born to be happy… not normal.