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As an adult, I use nunchucks way less than I expected.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Werewolves tend to transform only upon noticing a full moon already in the sky, implying the affliction is 100% psychological.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.