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You don`t get to complain about life until you move out of your parent`s house.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Never underestimate a woman’s ability to make anything your fault.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.