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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
If you`re one in a million, there are more than 7,000 of you.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.