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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm ... So I peed on her
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver