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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
If its so great outside why do bugs try to get in my f*cking house?
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
the real full form of M.B.A....Married But Available
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
Nothing good goes into a microwave at 2:00am.
I`ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.