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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
There is a fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
I feel that being a smarta$$ is my duty. The pay sucks, but the work is very rewarding.