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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I just want to be as thin as my patience.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like