Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
When a newscaster says; "I am live at the scene with a person who witnessed the accident," what they really mean is; "Check out this douchetard we found at the scene of this crash."
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.