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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
Adding "just sayin" to a smart-a$$ed comment makes you even more of an a$$hole. Just sayin
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."