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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Netflix is raising rates again? Man, whoever`s password I`m using has got to be pissed!
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.