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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
These peopele at the gym are looking at me like they expect me to share my donuts ... SMH
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?