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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
You’re the shampoo in the eyes of my life.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
I woke up feeling strange this morning...I felt Rested and Relaxed so I immediately Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a `Sleep in` Apparently it`s not harmful but may be addictive. . .
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...