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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Simmer down joggers running in place at a stop light, simmer down.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..