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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
We used to be afraid people on the internet would find us in real life. Now we`re terrified people in real life will find us on the internet
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`