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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Just saw a cop pull over a U-Haul truck. I think he is trying to bust a move.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels? - Bfanch