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Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
I`m pretty sure if you watched a movie of my life backwards it probably would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them in the fridge.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?