Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.