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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch