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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.