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I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
i hate not being able to correct the typo i just made in my previous statues update......DAMN IT! I JUST DID IT AGAIN!
You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
justin bieber
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?