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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
I don`t mind my long commute, I just hate that it always brings me to work.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.