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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!