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Today`s secret word is "epic". When someone says the secret word scream real loud and punch them in the face.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
I`m on that “Starts tomorrow” diet.
This day needs more yesterday.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.