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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".