Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
Velcro is a ripoff
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
People who describe things as "better than sex" are obviously having the wrong kind of sex.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.