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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.