Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Honk if you are reading this.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
“Can we talk tomorrow?” is my way of saying “I’ll try to do a better job of avoiding you tomorrow?”
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....