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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.