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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
For a guy who makes as many bad decisions as I do, I feel like I should be having more fun.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.