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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Coffee gives me the illusion I`m actually awake
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?