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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
it`s friday o clock
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.