Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
If you want to bribe me food and beer works.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.