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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Oh and BTW,,, Why haven`t Pig Pen`s parents been visited by child services yet?
Immature is a word boring people use to describe fun people.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
My doctor wrote me a prescription for dailysex but my girlfriend insists it says dyslexia.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"