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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
I don`t mean to brag... but I`m a pretty damn good peek-a-boo opponent
My Superpower is eating 5 times the "suggested serving" size.