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Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.