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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
I drink to make other people interesting.
I don’t just say crazy things on the internet, I do that in real life too.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.