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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.
Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.