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It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener