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I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....