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Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
Tonight`s weather forecast: dark. Continued dark overnight with widely scattered of light by morning.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.