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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
I self medicate, therefore you live.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.