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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I always thought a chickpea was just when girls go to the bathroom in groups.
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.