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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?