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These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Now that my kids are getting older, I`m worried I`ll never have the opportunity to leave my wife for the nanny.
Sandals or shoes? I have adorable toes. All 12
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.