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Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times.
We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!