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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.