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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
Be friend with stupid people.., feel like genius all the time
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
I got a little package in the mail today. For some reason it just reminded me of my ex.
Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.