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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
A hard thing about business is minding your own
I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.
A good lawyer knows the law ... A great lawyer knows the judge.
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
My best stories always end with the words ... "and then I got the hell out of there."
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when Iām done.