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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
As a kid, i was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electrical bill.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
I put the PRO in inappropriate!