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I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I thought about going outside and doing something today but my Wi-Fi really doesn’t reach very far.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
I`ve been knocking for ten minutes. Don`t people answer their bathroom windows anymore?
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I like people the most when I`m by myself.