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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories