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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
If you were a Pokemon, I`d choose you.
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
sleep is for people without netflix
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.