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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I`m going to need those back.
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.