Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
I neither like nor want to date Taylor Swift, but I know at some point it’ll just be my turn.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.