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Why do people say āI saw it with my own eyes.ā Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
The final stage of adulthood is when you start saying, "Oooh, that breeze feels nice."
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Halfway through singing a romantic ballad to my cat, it occurred to me that I`m going to die alone.
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
I hope to get to the point in my life where Iām not excited about finding change on the ground.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...