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I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.