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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."