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Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
I dated this musician who used to play songs for me over the phone. Then I realized he was just putting me on hold.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.