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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Better late than pregnant.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....