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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
For Christmas I just want summer...
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!