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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Sex, do it for the kids.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.