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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
The officer said, "you drinking?" I said, "you buying?" then we both laughed and laughed... And now I need bail money.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Home is where the alcohol is.