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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...