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I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.