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MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
I give myself the best presents.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.