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I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.