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Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.