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There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
It`s such a beautiful day I had to open the window while I watched TV