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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
My most heavily used kitchen appliance is a fire extinguisher.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.