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It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Why isn`t cat food made from birds, mice and squirrels??
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.