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Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.