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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Ever notice how the automatic flush sensors in public restrooms kinda look like hidden cameras?
The more neighbors I spy on through my binoculars, the creepier I think all my neighbors are!
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.