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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn`t much, but the reception was excellent.
bras are booby-traps
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I`d like to test the theory that money can`t buy you happiness.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.