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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.