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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Im really not just some idiot with nothing better to do with my time, I just play one in FB.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.