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I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn’t seem so bad now.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
Champagne says I`m classy. Vodka says I can do anything I want. My therapist says I have to stop talking to my drinks.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.