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During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Clearly skinny jeans are easier to obtain than skinny genes
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.