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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, Netflix
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
i dont have drain bramage.