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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
There are so many scams on the Internet now these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.