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I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Don`t be upset that you`re single; be happy that someone isn`t ruining your life.
I`ve found a new coping mechanism....................COOKIES!
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
Iām in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.