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Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
"Kids are great when you need help around the house." - People who don`t have kids
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
There are 2 kinds of people I can’t stand: Nosy people, and people who won’t tell me what in the hell is going on.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.